Before I say anything further, I'd like to comment on how awesome this guy is: He has absolutely no trust of people for good reason and yet he allows me to use his laptop when I visit his wife. He even leaves me alone in her house, which is something he never does with anyone else. He even helped hook-up one of his wife's neighbor's houses to her water, due to the neighbor's frozen pipes, even though the stress of making their bills already has him stressed to dangerous levels for his health. The guy is so totally cool and I'm always pleasantly surprised by his complete and utter selflessness whenever I see him.
This time, I'm able to share a song to the guitar goddess that was based on a fantasy: The fantasy that they connected and were making music together. I can never get any comments from him about any other motivation for his feelings or songs to Jessie. He seems to be ashamed of his feelings for some reason. But you can tell that he must've really felt something for her that he won't openly admit to. I chalk it up to his bad experiences with women in the past and, perhaps, the young age of the guitar goddess. But it's easy to tell that his heart isn't really in the sex he provides us with anymore. He's probably just too awesome to turn us down. Or maybe he fears his wife will react negatively if he stops being who he was, and he makes it obvious he feels he can't survive without her help. So I think he'd maintain appearances that nothing is any different just to appease her, regardless of who he has feelings for, although I know she'd be fine with him having another relationship with someone if it'd pull him out of his manic depression. The guy just seems so sad now, like a shell of his former self, no spontaneous bursting into song or any of the other joyous quirks we all came to love in him.
It wasn't easy, and it took more than a year; but I finally got him to admit that "Hot Enuff" was also to Jessie. I'd always suspected it because of the lyrical lift from "Flaming", his first song about her, which also had lyrics about worlds colliding. He said he wanted it kept hidden for reasons that he still won't disclose. He hinted at unfounded fears. Then, he said it'd be okay for some people to know who the song is to as long as Jessie never finds out: "She'd take it wrong and so would the town. Plus, I'm old now and she's still a kid; so how could it be fair to her in any way? It'd transform opinions of me and I'd suddenly be this old perve attracted to a young hottie and the townsfolk would go nuts attacking my wife again." Those are quotes from him on the subject. Nothing negating that he loves her, just fears of people knowing, like it'd give them an unfair advantage over him or something. Have we found SuperMan's Kryptonite? It's eerily similar. The great legendary Detroit pimp afraid of a girl? Afraid of feeling an emotion for someone? It's perplexing.
How many of us are jealous because we want to be the object of his affection? I'll admit to it. Maybe that's why I wrote so scathingly about the concept of them hooking up, for years, when I figured-out who she was. It's a definite culture clash and could never work, even if the age difference wasn't there.
Realistically, in real life, I doubt they'd get along good enough to be able to tolerate each other enough to make it through one practice session together. They're too similar and different, simultaneously, from what I can see. It truly would be a collision of worlds, true to the compositions. So it's expected fare for the course that he'd disregard his own feelings as "tragic end-of-life fantasies" -he's funny- and give-up on the whole thing rather than pursue it. So, now that he feels enough time has passed and everyone has sufficiently moved on from it and forgotten it, I can finally share more about it. I get it. It's perverse and it robs her of the option to respond. Fear of giving up control and placing the ball in her court? What's up with this? It's familiar in that we witnessed him hide from fame like he does from love. It's like he allows himself to desire for the sole purpose of depriving himself his object of desire as some sort of strange penance. I feel for him. I see him punish himself and can only imagine why he does it.
Well, here I am, with access to the video files of these awesome songs and I'm taking advantage of this opportunity to pirate them into my own online cloud and to share one here that I always suspected belongs here.
How many of us are jealous because we want to be the object of his affection? I'll admit to it. Maybe that's why I wrote so scathingly about the concept of them hooking up, for years, when I figured-out who she was. It's a definite culture clash and could never work, even if the age difference wasn't there.
Realistically, in real life, I doubt they'd get along good enough to be able to tolerate each other enough to make it through one practice session together. They're too similar and different, simultaneously, from what I can see. It truly would be a collision of worlds, true to the compositions. So it's expected fare for the course that he'd disregard his own feelings as "tragic end-of-life fantasies" -he's funny- and give-up on the whole thing rather than pursue it. So, now that he feels enough time has passed and everyone has sufficiently moved on from it and forgotten it, I can finally share more about it. I get it. It's perverse and it robs her of the option to respond. Fear of giving up control and placing the ball in her court? What's up with this? It's familiar in that we witnessed him hide from fame like he does from love. It's like he allows himself to desire for the sole purpose of depriving himself his object of desire as some sort of strange penance. I feel for him. I see him punish himself and can only imagine why he does it.
Well, here I am, with access to the video files of these awesome songs and I'm taking advantage of this opportunity to pirate them into my own online cloud and to share one here that I always suspected belongs here.
Here's the youtube version
The video is a combo of recycled footage from previous videos. This is something he does just to create a video reference for search engines. So the video will seem familiar.
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